Killing Grandma while eating fetuses with Hitler

Is there any group out there that the Republican’s aren’t trying to offend?

The wild accusations are crazy, letting an individual have the power over end of life care decisions is turned into Government wants to kill Grandma. That really shows you care about Grandma don’t let her be in control of important decisions about her life.

Holocaust Deniers are comparing Obama to Hitler. A great way to honor the vets who fought against tyranny, claim they fought and died so that people could be denied healthcare.

Anti-Vaxers are upping their claim from the totally debunked link between Vaccines and Autism to Vaccines will contain Nano-probes so the government can track all citizens movements. Great way to gain sympathy, try to block access so babies will die horrible deaths from easily treatable diseases.

The birthers, people who claim that Obama isn’t a citizen, are against the treatment for mental illness. Fill in your own joke.

Its easy to understand their fear, the main thing Obama is shooting for is more individual options in healthcare choices for them having to make their own decisions means putting those decisions in the hands of the most stupid and incompetent person they know, themselves.

The GOP’s 5 stages of Grief

It’s easy to pick on the teabaggers.

That’s not the start of a joke, just a statement of fact.

Looking at the crowds of people who are protesting their own self-interest, what they are saying makes no sense.

The people who got a real tax break are protesting taxes.

Medicaid beneficiaries are protesting Government Run Healthcare.

A guy who got in a fight while protesting healthcare options, has to beg for money because he has no healthcare.

And of course the Birthers.

An intellectually lazy person that is unwilling or unable to give up their preconceived notions could call these people “Stupid” Like this:

Teabaggers real Fear

The Truthiness is out There

Squirrels have a liberal bias

Clarifying Stupid

Against Stupidity the Gods themselves Struggle in Vain

Watching these Conservatives is like watching Wheelchair Basketball, for the first ten minutes it’s the funniest thing in the world until it dawns on you that these are people who are suffering that are trying to regain a sense of normality. After realizing that you kind of feel like an asshole for picking on them.

It’s the same thing with the Conservatives, sure they are funny to watch then you realize what is driving them and it’s not quite as funny.

Conservatives (by definition) don’t want change. Underneath the offensive language they believe that things are good enough now so change will probably make it worse.

So what happens when change is needed because our present course is leading to total destruction? They see the end of the old world and react like they would to the death of a loved one and go through the 5 stages of grief.

Stage 1: Denial

“Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.”

The Birthers are the best example of this, the total refusal to believe that America elected someone who wanted change. (The racism that comes up is just another aspect of the denial, some members of the birthers would rather be considered racist than face the fact that change is necessary).

Other examples are the Conservatives that believe George W. Bush was too liberal, or that the New Deal extended the Great Depression.

The evidence of Peak Oil and the collapse of our Debt Driven Economic Structure is too much for them to deal with so they simply try to ignore those facts.

Going through this stage doesn’t mean they are mentally deficient in any way, it just means they are human.

Stage 2: Anger

“Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.”

This is the stage that the Teabaggers and the Healthcare Reform Protesters are going through now. Looking on from the outside it’s hard to fathom what was going on in the mind of the guy who was angry because he lost his healthcare benefits so he got in a fight protesting healthcare options. This is like the dying patient that lashes out against their nurse, or the loved one who gets angry at the doctor treating the patient.

The teabaggers aren’t really angry at getting a tax cut, the people who lost their healthcare aren’t mad at the Senators who are trying to get them more options. They are mad at the people who are embracing change and look on this crisis to build something better. They are mad at the people who look to a better tomorrow without fear, as they can’t get rid of that fear themselves.

Stage 3: Bargaining

The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the person is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."

People are wondering how Sarah Palin could in the course of a few days could go from unfounded anger, talking about “Death Panels” and killing babies, to calling for civility. I am hoping she has entered the Bargaining stage of grief.

She might be the start of Conservatives saying, “Hey, I understand the world has to change, but if we can just go a little slower…”

Stage 4: Depression

During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect themselves from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer an individual up that is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

Kramer’s ratings are slipping, conservative investors are throwing in the towel. Soon Fox’s ratings will plummet as conservatives give up hope that they can stand in the way of progress.

This will unfortunately be a dangerous time for America, as during this period of depression we will effectively have a one-party system, as the conservatives will completely withdraw from politics.

It will be up to the progressives to police themselves, and political parties have shown they are lousy at that.

Stage 5: Acceptance

This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle.

When conservatives reach this stage they will accept the old world is gone and throw out the things that aren’t working.

“Drill, Baby, Drill” will turn into discussions of large “Wind Farms” vs. “Personal Solar Panels”. “No to Socialized Healthcare” will turn to what is a basic healthcare right to be covered by the Government, and what is a luxury covered by insurance. The anti-intellectual movement will move from “A war on Science” to trying to determine the point of diminishing returns of science investment.

In a few years Conservatives will forget they were ever against Alternative Fuels, Healthcare Reform, and Science and embrace these things that they are attacking now and defend them against any change.

Recognizing that the teabaggers and healthcare protesters aren’t idiots, just people going through the stages of grief, it would take a real big asshole to pick on them.

For regular readers of my posts I want to reassure you, if you hadn’t guessed by now, I am a real asshole and I will continue to pick on them.

The Teabaggers real fear

Paula Abdul Appointed to Obama Death Panel. The latest rightwing rumor.

Many are worried that the right-wing appeals to idiots is running out things to make up to try and scare people with. Sarah Palin’s attempt to link counseling on living wills to “Death Panels” would seem to be the bottom of the barrel, but I’m sure the Republicans can dip farther into the crazy bucket.

They have already tapped the Anti-Vaxers telling them the Government plan would mean forced Vaccinations (It doesn’t but it should), and the people who don’t get irony by telling them it would mean a government take-over of Medicaid, Medicare, and the National Institute of Health (You know the guys who do the drug research). Why not take it farther.

Bobby Jindal could tell everyone that under the government plan exorcisms wouldn’t be considered a medical treatment (oops that one is true).

How about appealing to the homeless crazies by saying the government plan will outlaw tinfoil hats, that should get their base riled up.

Maybe Sarah could repeat the line she used about how the Federal Government will spend money on research to find cures instead of treating people. Because everyone (at least her followers) knows that we can’t have science in medicine.

She could tie the two things she is against together, government provided rape kits and allowing the elderly to go to the emergency room and say how the government plan would allow police to gather evidence against rapists, and not allow the elderly to die while waiting for simple procedures (oops that one is true as well).

Maybe they can roll everything together and go for the sum of the fears that frighten their base.

The Ultimate Republican Fear

Government Healthcare will turn people gay, if you ask how you are picking on them for being Christians (even though there are many gay Christians), this will lead to homosexuals breeding out the Nordic bloodlines (‘cause them homosexuals breed like bunnies), since only white people can be Protestants this will incur the Protestant God’s anger.

He will lash out against the US by causing the Large Hadron Supercollider to spew out mini-black holes that will destroy American cities in the south as judgment on their sinful ways.

This will lead to mass immigration of non-English speaking people to our country and history shows that America can’t survive waves of immigration.

This immigration will allow al-Qaida to acquire suitcase nukes that weigh 5lbs and can’t be detected by simple Geiger Counters (these only exist in TV series 24, but al-Qaida is relentless in seeking fictional weapons) that they will deploy against the US for its insult to the Protestant God.

This would cause the France to make a new World Currency making the US dollar worthless.

This makes China repossess all our oil drilling rigs so we can no longer tap the totally infinite amounts of oil under US soil and we have to turn to drilling for geothermal power, which will cause massive earthquakes because God does not like people using alternative energy sources.

The earthquakes lead to massive media piracy making content generators to ask their fans to support them through advertising or direct donations cutting RIAA out of their fair share of $23.85 out of every $24 CD. Without Sony and EMI controlling the music industry American culture can’t dominate the world and Japanese and European companies will control culture.

With people living longer under a government run system, social security will run out of money and gangs of Elderly Citizens (Gray Panthers) will roam the streets attacking the young and fit members of society for money.

In order to appease these Gray Panthers the government will start printing money leading to hyperinflation and it will take a wheel barrel of cash to buy a loaf of bread.

Finally the combination of all these things will make Americans turn away from watching TV and will go out and talk to their friends and neighbors and realize that they don’t have to live locked up inside their homes afraid of the outside world and let corporations to take away their civil liberties one by one.

And having citizens that aren’t afraid is the Republicans ultimate fear.

Somebody I missed, or no fun at funerals.

I have to thank Teresa over at teresamerica for pointing out a really stupid group I’ve forgotten to make fun of.



No, Not them. Fred Phelp’s group is so idiotic that any attempt to make fun of them would give them more credit than they deserve.

Nope, it’s the conservatives that troll the Internet and say that somehow this group is a bunch of liberals.

Now I do understand how conservatives would want to distance themselves from Phelps even those that believe 9/11 and Katrina were God’s punishment for Gays and Short Skirts, have to look at Phelps and say, “Dude, you’re an idiot.”

But trying to pin that group onto liberals takes a feat of mental contortion that I can’t even begin fathom.

If you want to do some strange mental contortions try equating Kittens to Hitler:



Thanks “Cats That Look Like Hitler” for that image.

Or, try to imply that Hollywood is against guns.





I wonder you would try to imply that?



At least then we can see that the alternate reality you live in intersects the real world at some small point and is merely a tangent existence to our own, that could possibly be calculated using differential geometry in n-dimensional Euclidian space.

But trying to pin Fred Phelps to liberals puts your reality somewhere out there that is beyond the edge of the observable universe.